Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Sea4Pee Exclusive! Watch Bristol's New Show! #1: "Spreading"

What's going on?

Exclusive! Bristol's New TV Show!
"Life's a after another, after another, after another, after another but I'm cool and tough!"

Episode 1
Spreading Out My Wings for the World to See

Hello everybody.
My name is Bristol and this is my show.

See this book? It is the book of my life.
The Book of Bristol.

This is my son Tripp. This is old footage but he is cute.
See how blond his hair is?
Old footage.

This is a Moose.

"No, Tripp", I said.
"We don't Pet Moose. We Kill Moose and Eat them."
See how blond his hair is?
This is old footage but he is cute.

Life is so hard being a single mom. Let me tell you about it.

I rode this bull. I fell off. I was hurt bad. I cried.

My friends were scared.

I was heckled by a heckler.

My friends told me to punch him in the face.

I was crying and sad so I went to get that heckler.

I told him he was Gay. I told him he hurt my feelings.

My friends thought I was dead but I was not.

This is Gino. He's a stud.

Gino is not a gnat. He doesn't want to rape me in a tent.

I am talking to Piper. I tell her she can be a super star like me one day.

She tells me I am cool.

She asks if she will need to get a new chin to be a star, too.

I ask her, "What new chin? I had crooked teeth".

L.A. is a scary place. I am so afraid.

Look how they dress here. They wear tight cut off shorts in public. Pure Skank.

Mark is worried about me. He comes to visit me.

I am happy to see him. I tell him I am scared and sad.
This is old footage because I am fat and wearing a scarf to cover up my fatness.

Willow and I hang out like super stars.
We look like the Olsen twins because we are famous now and have to hide behind big sunglasses.
I don't know who's watching Tripp.

I'm Mary Kate

She's Ashley

These are the people I help. They are scary.
I don't let them touch me.

We go shopping. We aren't used to anything fancy.
Willow wants those purple shoes.
I don't know where Tripp is.

Willow is mad she has to watch Tripp.
I don't know where Tripp is.

Willow is mean. She wants to go home. I cry.

The End.


  1. Nice post. Her wings needs to be clipped.

  2. I think that this is one of your best posts yet and I have loved many of them.

  3. I love all your posts. I appreciate the humor.

  4. Funny stuff. How did you manage to sit through a recording of that dross just to get the screen caps? Gold star for perseverance!

  5. The sound was off... it is always off :D